Time Motion Study -- Traits of the Observed

With the assistance of Counselor, better delineated some of the issues underlying my lack of productivity. And you know they're real issues when talking about paying bills leads to repressed sobbing at the role of the IMF in the suffering of individuals. Seriously, people, how can I be a responsible member of German-based society when the thought of money has me crying about colonialization, repression, and people hurting other people?

Some notes on what motivates me and doesn't:

The money carrot doesn't motivate.

The money stick does unless I am ethically opposed.

The people approval carrot motivates me as long as I think highly of the people involved and also believe them to be correct on the issue.

The people approval stick motivates me inasmuch as I feel varying levels of guilt about letting people down. This is not very productive since it doesn't cease for things I cannot change and the stick beats me years later even with no possible resolution.

The justice-for-all carrot motivates me as long as I believe a) I can make a difference, and b) I am needed to make a difference.

The justice-for-all stick motivates me in that I won't be able to sit still. But this is harder to use productively and much more akin to an unfocused and uncontrolled sci-fi movie weapon.

The goal carrot doesn't really motivate me unless it comes from growing the carrots. If it's a reward I'm earning, I tend to not follow through.

The goal stick doesn't motivate me and sometimes anti-motivates me by activating my anti-authoritarian tendencies.

I am process-driven. I get engrossed in the doing of things and that's when I get things done.

I am beauty-driven. I will work better and more and get more done in a pretty space. The trade off of making things prettier is often worth the time.

I am categorizing-driven. I like to sort things, and the tasks I hate, like filing, are less odious when done in a batch. I also feel more in control when I know the categories of things and know where they go, even mentally.

I am novelty driven. I will get up happier in the morning with a new shirt to wear. I'll be a more enthusiastic when cleaning after I've moved furniture around. I'll work harder when I have a great new idea I'm playing with or implementing.

I'm purpose-driven. If I know that my work makes a difference towards a goal I care about and I feel empowered, I can actively enjoy otherwise distasteful work (digging through trash for recyclables).

I'm control-driven. I work better in environments where I feel in control. A clean house begets more productivity. Beauty too.

I am creativity-driven. I like to have room to come up with new and better ideas. I like having the space to try out ideas and have them fail as well as succeed. I need to know that in the brainstorming stage, nothing is off the table and in the physical environment, efficiency trumps tradition.

I am people-driven. My default is to make time and space for friends and family, at the expense of work. I will accept a lot of losses to keep this open. I will tell you when they need me -- not ask you if it's okay.

I am ethics-driven. I will take the long route and/or the painful route if necessary to avoid doing things that I consider wrong. I will not apologize for choices I have made. I will not change my moral/ethical framework for your convenience, for money, or for my convenience. And you will be asked to justify your decisions that run counter to your purported ethics. But I do not claim to have a static or infallible framework.

I am risk adverse. Change must be weighed against the status quo. All else being equal, change wins for at least a trial period but if I'm forced into a decision before I've weighed my options, then the answer is generally NO. To purchases, dates, whatever. Unless I've addressed that category in my head and am experimenting with other mental systems.

I am busy-work adverse. If it seems like a waste of time, I can pick my own ways to waste time, thankyouverymuch.

I am oversight/direction-adverse. I cannot function with people looking over my shoulder, especially literally. I don't want to be told how to accomplish a task -- you might as well program a robot or do it yourself. I am a value-adding individual.

And other work-ish tendencies:

I enjoy editing. Highly highly enjoy.

I enjoy thinking about the resulting grey areas after categorizing. What to do with them? How to approach them? How are they used? What if we come at them from this angle? How necessary are they?

Doing the same thing every day and knowing what I'll be doing a month from now makes me feel trapped in a terrible way.

I like learning and being challenged in tasks.

I loathe textbooks and cannot use them. I learn by doing, asking, thinking, researching, and experimenting.

Making to-do lists tends to be overwhelming more often than helpful.

While I enjoy categorizing, I am terribly indecisive and this includes being able to settle on one category.

And work-related beliefs: